22. Juli 2023


Being envious can poison our lives and that of those around us.


Envy is the sincerest form of recognition. (Wilhelm Busch)

This blog post touches on a very sensitive subject – but I’ll venture it anyway:
(zur deutschen Fassung)

No matter how well your career is going – at some point, most of us are plagued by the thought:

„Why is she/he singing at house xy and I am not?“

„How did she/he get to where the doors are closed to me?“

Envy eats the person it possesses from the inside, and it benefits who?  That’s right – no one!

Envy has no effect on the object of my envy. And worst of all, envy is accompanied by shame about the fact that I am envious. In the worst case, I can’t get out of this vicious circle.

  • Envy paralyses
  • Envy prevents me from doing my best.
  • Envy makes me bitter
  • Envy makes me a „sour“ colleague.

How do I get out of this spiral?

Very often, envy has a direct comparator –

„NN has a better career than me, although I sing just as well / better“.

Envy is usually quite diffuse, a depressing feeling that makes you restless and in a bad mood. You think envy can be managed with rationality? Give it a try:

Write down everything you know about the person you are envious of and compare them with yourself:

  • How old is the person?
  • Where did they study (and make their first professional contacts)?
  • How big is this person’s voice?
  • What career path has this person chosen (freelance/permanent)?
  • What path in life has this person chosen (do they have children?)?
  • What does this person’s website look like?

Maybe you will get an answer to the question why the person is where he or she is. Or maybe you won’t. But it will not answer why you are not (yet) where this person is.

And that brings us to the most important thing:

Comparing yourself to others doesn’t help! Stop it – it makes you bitter and bad-tempered and changes nothing.

Instead, ask yourself if you are doing everything you can to live the life you want:

If you want a bigger career:

  • Check if your application videos are 100% in order.
  • Check if your singing technique can do what you want.
  • Check if you always come 100% prepared to the first rehearsal.
  • Check whether your pronunciation in foreign languages is 100%.
  • Check if you spread good vibes around you. (!)
  • Ask yourself if you could live with rarely being at home and spending your time in guest flats.
  • Ask yourself how often you need to physically feel your children/partner to be happy.

And then ask yourself if you would endure the great career you are striving for, for years –

  • all that travelling and packing,
  • the constant stress,
  • the always proving yourself over and over again,
  • the constantly adjusting to new people,
  • the constant career-orientation…
  • the good permanent networking

We all do our best to survive in the shark tank / biotope / circus of opera and concert life, no matter how „big“ our careers are.

Anyone who can make a living from singing should consider themselves lucky and has achieved the career goal: I finance my life through my profession.

Life is more relaxed when we first understand who we are and what we have to offer and try to market that, instead of making life difficult for ourselves through diffuse envy of colleagues.

We can influence ourselves first and foremost!

With this in mind:

Have a relaxing holiday and all the best!



hedwig fassbender
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